Bittersweet

My Nicholas is a very strong independent little boy. He likes to do everything all by himself. He can take his clothes on and off by himself, including shoes and coat (though he does still need a little help with the zipper sometimes). He's even potty trained himself and very rarely has accidents. Don't try to help him unless he asks for it because he has no problems telling you "I do it myself!". He's proud of what a big boy he's become. As he's gotten older he wants to do things big people do like sleep in a big boy bed. The crib hasn't been a crib for a long time now, we took the side off when he learned how to climb out of it. That was fine for almost a year. Lately though Nick has been trying to go to bed in Collin's room and getting up to sleep in our room in the middle of the night. When you put him in his bed he's says "I'm not a baby, I want a big boy bed". So tonight we went out and bought him big boy furniture. He's getting a nice bed with bookcase headboard and a chest of drawers but you'd think he was getting a million dollars. As soon as we got home he said he wanted to sleep in his big boy bed tonight. Unfortunately we have to wait up to 6 weeks for it to be delivered. In the meantime I think Nick and I are going to make a date and go shopping for the decor of his new room. I'm happy about this for the most part. My little boy very definitely isn't a baby anymore and he needs a big boy room. But I'm also rather sad because it means that its time to part with the crib and dresser that he and Collin had as babies. The reality is we won't be needing it anymore. The thought is very bittersweet to me. I have so many wonderful memories of folding all their tiny little clothes and putting them away in the dresser and of gently laying them down to sleep in their crib. Those memories won't go because the furniture has but none the less its a little hard to say good-bye.

I sure hope it gets easier to let go of things as they grow up because at some point I'm going to have to send them off to college and really let go so they can live their own lives. I suppose that's why we start with the little things like diapers (which weren't nearly so hard to say good-bye to) and cribs, so we'll have those experiences to build upon when the really big milestones start coming, like school for Collin in the fall. I suspect that will be much harder for me than for him. And it will be harder still when Nick goes because I will be doing it for the last time.

So my little Nicholas, you keep growing and learning and exerting your independence and I will do my very best to cheer you on and only cry about it when you can't see me. I am so proud of the amazing little boy you've become. Every day you make me laugh with your quirky sense of humor and they way you insert the word underwear or underpants into everything you talk about, like tonight when you said "Happy Underpants!" to Grammy and Grampa instead of Happy New Year. I also marvel at your strength. The other night you picked up an entire case of Capri Suns because that was what you wanted me to buy. Those things are heavy but you were determined and made it happen. You have an exuberance for life that makes me smile even on the worst of days. It is such a joy to be your mom.